THE OPTIMAL LIVING PERSPECTIVE

John 16: 12 – 15 says, "I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for He will take what is mine and declare it to you. All that the Father has is mine; therefore I said that He will take what is mine and declare it to you”.

How many times have you said to yourself, “If I had only listened to that still small voice, I wouldn’t be in this position now?” Sometimes, people believe whatever others feed them, because it sounds more appealing than the truth. However, the truth serves to protect, guide and lead us in the right way, so that the enemy of our souls won’t be able to cause confusion, grave damage and havoc in our lives. The truth liberates us from doubts, illusions, and fears. Since God is the source of all truth, then the closer we draw to him and listen to His word, the more we grow in the knowledge of Him and of His great love and wisdom for us. Jesus told his disciples that He would send them the Spirit of truth who will announce to you the things to come.

So, the question of the day is: What kinds of things are you ignoring that the Holy Spirit has clearly made plain to you? How could your life be different if you would only listen to the Spirit of Truth?

First Lady Shellaine Coney

The Well of Living Waters Ministry, High Point, NC

OLM: When you first met your husband - how old were you, and what was your emotional and spiritual state?

SC: The very first time I met James, I was about 13 years old! I was visiting his cousin Ashanta; we were just kids that were not interested in each other. As a matter of fact, he was so disinterested in anyone and looked bored sitting on her porch waiting to go back home. It was 5 years later that we would see each other again on May 1, 1993.  James claims that I walked passed him twice and he had to speak. My emotional state was unhappy from the poor relationship I had from the man I was dating at the time. Looking for love was far from my mind. As for my spiritual state; it was broken and I had no relationship with Christ.

OLM: Did God speak to you about the things you needed to change or improve on (within yourself) before meeting him? Was there something he did that proved to be a game changer/let you know that he was the one for you?

Lady Shellaine Coney: At the time, there were two classmates that believed in Christ; they were always ministering to me about the life choices that I was making. One classmate invited me to church a few times but I was not taking it seriously. However, James believed in Christ heavily and would talk to me about having a relationship with Christ. He was different than the man I dated; he was loving, caring and outgoing. James truly loves the Lord and it was genuine. I realized that I needed to change my life and build a relationship with Christ if I wanted to be a better person. James loved me for me; but in order for us to work, I had to make some hard changes. James waited for God to change me; that was a game changer.

OLM: Was there anything that you did specifically to prepare for meeting him by faith?

Lady Shellaine Coney: There was nothing that I could do to prepare for meeting James: it was a divine connection from God Himself. I was in a place that needed spiritual guidance and God knew how to lead me to that path.

OLM: Were you currently dating someone that you realized, wasn't the one and why?

Lady Shellaine Coney: At the time, I was in an abusive relationship. The man that I was dating was not saved and could care less about my emotional and spiritual states.

OLM: How did you know he was the one God made for you? How did he propose?

Lady Shellaine Coney: James was the total opposite; his caring nature proved to be what I needed. Also, I had to learn that I had to love myself enough to have a better relationship. James proposed to me in Macy’s Department store in 1994!

OLM: When did you marry him? How long have you been married?

Lady Shellaine Coney: We married August 17, 1996. We have been married 21 years.

OLM: What do you feel are the key things that keep your commitment & love strong throughout the years?  

Lady Shellaine Coney: The most important key is to keep Christ first; we cannot do anything without Him. Second, be open and honest with each other; keep the lines of communication open at all times. Third, honest compromise; there will be sacrifices made by both parties. Last, marriage is 100/100 both parties should put their all into the relationship. Marriage is a partnership! When love is not enough, the partnership kicks in stronger!

OLM: Is there any word of advice that you would give to a woman waiting to meet and man after God's own heart?

Lady Shellaine Coney: The key is to wait;  Proverbs 18:22 states he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor with the Lord.  He will find you as my husband found me when I wasn’t looking!

There is truly a transition that takes place when a man finds a wife. First Lady Coney positioned herself for greatness, in spite of being in an empty, abusive relationship. In the end, God gives us what we need, instead of what the world tells us we should want. And now, she is living her best life, serving God with her best friend and family. We pray that this story has inspired you to wait on your man of God. 

 Better is he that is lightly esteemed, and hath a servant, than he that honoureth himself, and lacketh bread.  - Proverbs 12: 9


Just the other day, an older gentleman said to me, "As you age, this life will start seeming more and more like a living hell. You can get all the way up to the top of the world and lose it all.."

The next morning I woke up and thought about some words of wisdom my grandmother shared with me as a teenager.. She would always say, "Reach for the stars baby, but always stay in the middle ground in life". I say this because if you ever fall down, you won't have far to go... However, if you get haughty and start looking down upon folk while you are at the top, the fall can be devastating."

As a teenager, I always found myself scratching my head sometimes when my grandmother was giving me life lesson sessions.  I didn't quite understand what she was talking about until I became an adult and became responsible for my own actions. Out of all the things my grandmother taught me, this one has especially rang true in regard to the world we are living in today.

When our economy is booming, most people live way above their means and brag about things they don't own, simply to impress their peers. However, now that things are slowly changing  in our economy, many of these people are deeply depressed, or on the verge of committing suicide because they were not wise financial stewards during good times.

Well, the good news is that God is merciful and gives us many chances to get back on track! If you are willing to do the work, you can regain your proper place in regard to your finances, relationships, or anything else that is out of order in your life.

The first thing you should do is pray, repent, and ask God for forgiveness for mismanaging the blessings/funds He has made ways for you to possess. Next, find out where your money is going. Are you wasting it on nonsense that you don't need?  

I have come to realize that our money has an assignment that will yield rewards or disappointments, according to the heart condition of the steward. Here are a couple of things you can do to regain strength and balance back into your finances:  

#1. If you haven't been tithing, start there. For me tithing is not only giving 10% of income, but a reality of the covenant I have with God. He is a good God and I humble myself and acknowledge Him in my giving. As I give, I pray over my tithe, and trust God to meet the needs of the people that my church home will serve and to protect and bless everything concerning me.

#2. Then, set up a realistic budget and see where you can cut back to save money.

#3. Start doing money saving activities with family and friends such as: watching movies together at home, having pot-luck dinners with friends, going to free concerts around your city, etc.

#4. Start taking public transportation, instead driving into work.

#5. Make a practice of using cash, instead of debit/credit to make purchases.

#6. Set up a realistic savings plan and make the money available to distribute to a savings account of your choice, on a monthly basis.

#7. Once you have a handle on that aspect of your financial stewardship, start to sow money into causes, or ministries that have been a blessing to your life. (Be sure to incorporate this principle sooner, rather than later. Giving makes the heart glad and sets you up for increase). This will be excess funds that you can give once your finances are back in order.

#8. Learn to live your life in the middle ground. Stay humble, keep your spirit and conscience pure from worldly debris, stay rooted in the Word of God, listen intently for the leading of the Holy spirit and trust God to take your life to places beyond your wildest dreams!

When God blesses you with more, are you tempted to forget where God delivered you from, or does your life reflect His goodness?

Hebrews 10: 38-39 says, "But My righteous one will live by faith; and if he shrinks back, I will take no pleasure in him.”  But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls. "

When I was a little girl, my mother told me that God is EVERYWHERE, always protecting me and watching.  This little bit of information as a child helped to shape my character. So, as much as I wanted to run and do things I had no business doing - I knew how far to go as a child, a teenager, and now as an adult.  I don't need law enforcement to keep me in check, because the Holy Spirit knows how to grab my attention and bring me back to where I need to be.

So, as you go on with your day - I hope you keep a few things in mind; watch your mouth, keep your thoughts right, keep forgiving, be kind to others, let the Holy Spirit order your steps - and, always remember you serve a Good God that loves you and is always watching.  

No! So, what separates men who cheat from those who don't?  Is cheating innate? Does it follow the notion of supply and demand? How can you discern a man who won't cheat versus a man who will?


For as long as I can remember, our nation has wrestled to discover the answers to these heart wrenching questions.  The root of the issue is one in which we do not readily address.  And because the root is so simple in nature, many will assume it is more complex than it really is.  We value the incredible theorems and long exasperated dialogue rather than accept the simple truth that our problems and issues all point in one direction.  That single direction is YOU.

While many of today's men have not been taught how to be successful in relationships, one trait that many men have not let go of is: selfishness. Selfishness is the root of all cheating.  While men have been traditionally flagged as being unfaithful, the reality is men can't be unfaithful alone.  There is an accomplice who participates in this selfish act.  In some instances, the accomplice is unaware of the relationship he is in while in other cases the accomplice is vividly aware.  Whatever the case, either one or both parties are being selfish - or have they taken on the attitude of I want what I want, when I want it; no matter what the expense is or who gets hurt.


God planned that everything in His creation would be a blessing to others. The philosopher James penned these words in the New Testament, "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." The whirlwind of relationships that we experience in repetitive cycles are a result of envy and selfish ambition.  If you want to help others with this selfish act that has torn the emotional hymen of many hearts across the globe, focus on helping someone overcome selfishness.  When a man recognizes he is selfish and in turn works to change it, his level of commitment to all of his relationships will inevitably get better.

“What’s meant for you will find you. You’ll never have to force something that’s real. Everything is always working out for our good in divine time and order. If it comes, let it come. If it goes, let it go.“

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Warmest Fall Regards,
@OptimalLivingPublisher